For years I dodged my title
For I didn't want another burden
Handed to me
Life would already be a battle
Due to my given nationality
My struggle
To be taken seriously
Began the moment my mother started
Hyphenating:
T-A
Apostrophe
N-A-E-S-H-A
My pedigree
The only one in my family to
Bear an "Afro American" name
My society
My duty
To exclaim
I am more then my syllables
I am more than my race
I am more than the history channel
You can't fit me in 28 days
T-A
Apostrophe
N-A
DO YOU KNOW ME
E-S-H
A
Woman who denied her heritage
As if a stigma
Upon her fading melanin
Paling in comparison
to my
Mothers shade alone
Who wasn't allowed an "African name"
Because her father didn't condone
That kind of thing
T-A
Apostrophe
I am more than just my name
Than the stereotype you boxed me in
B.E.T. Can't begin to explain
More than a "a strong black woman"
Because that's how we are most easily
Portrayed
N-A
Ask me
E-S
About me
I want you to ask me
Anything and yet nothing at all
Especially why my mother
Viewed me as standing
Eight COMPLICATED letters tall
Apostrophe and a space:
So I could think before
I speak that name in vain
I never wanted
In the first place
H-A
H-A
I've laughed to keep from crying
When avoided pronunciations
Always keeps me from being carded
And this glass and and
All my wine
And my whining
Is for YOU MOMMY
And your misguided epithet
That I finally learned
And now claim:
My name is TANAESHA
And I am
What it means
-Nox Falls
Poems and Other Attempts At Normalcy
A place where a poet's mind can write rampant.
Friday, May 25, 2012
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Soul Less
He said he saw me souless
Like I was caught with my pants down
No under-
Where my mind was he could not
Never
Fathom
As I breathed my defense:
"I never had one to begin with"
How dare you
Walk in on me like this
And for the first time
(make it the last)
I felt shamed
To find myself lacking
When others clearly fed
My cabinets are EMPTY
I cant even keep bread
To HOUSE you
My undoing lingers overhead
Your warning
Was their warnings
Many a mother wailed mournings
For sons never recovered from my surgical endeavors
The cuts made clean
My scalpel never wavers
And forever was really the end of us and they
And. You've. Seen. Me.
With all your mundane hate
Your barrier-our difference
Harbors between my legs
I give birth everytime your eyes
Claimed my maidenhead
Verbal bastards emerged from our marriage bed
My feminine clock ticked
For obligations to be met
And I felt
(the last time)
That I could pay this debt
But The piper was never real
Just your trick to lure me in
And. I. Am.
SOULLESS.
Panties on the floor
Hot underneath these fluorescents
My heartbeat a noiseless clamor
For the life of me
For the life ended in me
I cannot do the math
My specialty is subtraction
But this test demands I add
To you
But I can't.
The cost of a free fuck
Was more than my check.
And I am broke now
Forever in my mind's debt
God forgives
But the devil will never let me forget
He saw me Soul Less.
-Nox Falls
Like I was caught with my pants down
No under-
Where my mind was he could not
Never
Fathom
As I breathed my defense:
"I never had one to begin with"
How dare you
Walk in on me like this
And for the first time
(make it the last)
I felt shamed
To find myself lacking
When others clearly fed
My cabinets are EMPTY
I cant even keep bread
To HOUSE you
My undoing lingers overhead
Your warning
Was their warnings
Many a mother wailed mournings
For sons never recovered from my surgical endeavors
The cuts made clean
My scalpel never wavers
And forever was really the end of us and they
And. You've. Seen. Me.
With all your mundane hate
Your barrier-our difference
Harbors between my legs
I give birth everytime your eyes
Claimed my maidenhead
Verbal bastards emerged from our marriage bed
My feminine clock ticked
For obligations to be met
And I felt
(the last time)
That I could pay this debt
But The piper was never real
Just your trick to lure me in
And. I. Am.
SOULLESS.
Panties on the floor
Hot underneath these fluorescents
My heartbeat a noiseless clamor
For the life of me
For the life ended in me
I cannot do the math
My specialty is subtraction
But this test demands I add
To you
But I can't.
The cost of a free fuck
Was more than my check.
And I am broke now
Forever in my mind's debt
God forgives
But the devil will never let me forget
He saw me Soul Less.
-Nox Falls
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